Surviving WalMart
by NariNari
Summary: A late night trip to WalMart goes haywire after Shuichi breaks a Teen Titans toy. YxS, language, crack.


**A****/N:** I don't own Gravitation.

**MATA!!!:** Uhm...Yea, crack, yea, I know I should stop.

"Mmm...Yuki..." Shuichi rolled over in his sleep and snuggled up to his lovers chest. His actions were rewarded with a tight embrace, it was then that something in Shuichi's senses started. Eiri smelled good...Really good, he smelled like...Strawberry pocky? Shu shifted and woke up.

_'Pocky...I need pocky...'_ Quietly, using his 'stealth thing' Shuichi managed to wiggle out of Eiri's grasp without waking him up, then again Eiri did sleep like a log.

_'POCKY.' _The pink haired boy went to the kitchen and opened the cupboard where they kept a rather large supply of the treat. _'Empty?...'_ Shu closed the cabinet and opened the drawer where he kept a spare supply. This too, was sadly empty.

Shuichi walked into the living room to the entertainment stand where his first emergency supply of pocky was kept. Key word being **was**. Shu was now panicking, he had been to every single supply was pocky was gone. The one in the bathroom, the one in the bedroom, the one under Yuki's pillow, even the one under the dogs bowl, they didn't even own a dog!

_'What's going on here? I need pocky! It's all gone, all of it!...Wait! The pillow!'_ Shuichi ran from the balcony where he just uprooted a plant back to the living room, a gleam in his eye. Suddenly Shuichi-the-pink-haired-pop-prince-hottie-of-Japan, became Shuichi-the-man-who-can-do-anything-for-pocky-and-Yuki's-love! Shuichi's muscles grew and his shirt popped off as he tore open a leather pillow.

Feathers went flying every and a small pink box fell to the ground with a soft 'plop.' Shuichi fell to the ground as well lifting up his beautiful, sweet, EMPTY, box of pocky. Shuichi couldn't this kind of mental stress! He was only a 20-year-old pop star! He didn't know how to spell addiction, he couldn't do the times tables in his head, he didn't know what multiple alleles were! So what does a young rock star do when he needs help? Scream of course!

"EIIIRRRIIII!!!!!" Within seconds a very disheveled and shirtless blonde was in the living room where he was greeted by a hysterical Shuichi, surrounded by feathers.

"Shuichi...What the hell?"

"Wahh Yuki!! Help me!" Shuichi cried clinging to Yuki's pajama pant leg.

"What's wrong with you? And why are there feathers all over the place?" Eiri kicked the leg Shu was clinging to.

"My _Hic_ pocky _Sob_ wasinhere!" Shuichi rushed out.

"You called me out here for that?"

"Eiri, help me! I don't ahve anymore!"

"Why the hell didn't you use the zipper for that pillow?!" Yuki kicked his leg a bit more violently, "It was Italian leather you know! And those are goose feathers! How the hell did you mange to rip open a leather pillow anyway?!"

"I was desperate!"

"Whatta want me to do?" Yuki ran a hand though his messy hair, he couldn't deal with this kind of mental stress, he was a 24-year-old writer with a tendency for hernias! He knew how to spell superfluous, he could do long division in his head, he knew what a phenotype was. So what does a young writer do when his even younger rock star lover is being a young rockstar? Have a ciggy of course!

Yuki kicked Shuichi off finally and walked over to the pack of cigarettes on the end table.

_'Empty?...That was my last pack...'_ A dark aura began to surround the older man, "Come on Brat we're going to the store."

Shuichi looked up at the darkened figure of his lover and brightened, Yuki meant business! "Are we going to get pocky?!"

"Not if you don't hurry up!" Yuki called from the bedroom.

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They ended up at a Super Wal-Mart as it was the only thing open at two in the morning. Once inside the empty store Yuki turned to Shuichi and said very seriously, "Shuichi, you are going to get _anything_ you _need_ and meet me at the cash registers, okay?" Shuichi nodded vigorously and head in the generally direction of where he thought they'd keep the snacks. Yuki headed in the opposite direction.

Shuichi wandered through the aisles until he came upon the make-up, now normally make-up didn't interest him, but he saw this lovely shade of Orange eyeliner. Walking over, there was a mirror and a tester so he figured what the hell, why not give it a whirl? Shuichi expertly rimmed his eyes with the pencil and stepped back to look at the end result.

"I look hot!' He exclaimed, "Now, if only I had some mascara..." Shuichi wandered down the aisle a bit before he came along some Purple mascara, he put some one with the handy tester and decided that this was a great look. With that he grabbed a mascara and went back to get an eyeliner, as he was leaving the aisle he noticed an add for something shiny, "Hmmm, 'Lash Jewels?' I wonder..."(1)

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Yuki made his way towards the back of the store, he knew the cigarettes were up front, but he kind of needed some socks so he might as well get some here. Somehow he ended up in the womans department, surrounded by bras and panties.

"What the hell? Where do they keep the mens shit around here?" He grumbled knocking away a pair of frilly underwear. Turning around he came face to face with a display for some very racy lingerie.

"Oh," Yuki hadn't seen lingerie on someone in a VERY long time, instantly he found a mental image of Shuichi in that skimpy corset number, flowers and hazy whiteness surrounding him. "Oh, dear God!" Yuki blushed hard, turning away to clear his mind. Checking to see if no one was around he quickly grabbed the outfit in what would be close to Shuichi's size and left very quickly in a general that was direction.

Oh, lord how he couldn't wait to get home tonight!

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Shuichi and his horde of make-up products made their way towards the west end of the store. He had ended up with blush, eye shadow, and nail polish to complete his new stage look with the Orange eye liner, Purple mascara, and 'Lash Jewels.'

Wandering a bit more Shuichi stumbled upon the toy section. He was about to leave when he noticed a toy lying on the floor. "Oh my God! A Teen Titans T-Robo!!" He was immediately at the toys side he was just about to touch when he pulled back hesitantly, "Wait, Yuki said for me to get anything I need." Looking down longingly at the toy Shuichi decided that he needed to try this toy. Sitting down happily he told himself it would only be a few minutes, then he would go get his pocky and ride off with Yuki into the night.

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Yuki had wandered into the magazine section, looking for the one that usually reviews his books. To his disappointment the magazines were not separated by category, just thrown on the shelf causing him to look at everyone.

_Cosmo, Hot Rod, Teen Vouge, Play Boy,_ Yuki stopped at that one, wondering if he Shuichi would catch him reading it at home. The he remembered the silky material in his hand, and bypassed the porn with a grin. _Shoxx, Vouge, Tattoo, Shuichi shirtless,_ Wait, what? Yuki picked up the magazine with the pink haired boy shirtless on the cover, no band in sight. _What the hell?! Who the hell gave him permission to be shirtless on the cover of,_ He checked the title, _Play Girl of all things! So, wait he's naked inside..._ Yuki opened the magazine, flipping to the page where there was a large interview on Shuichi. He'd read the interview on his little lover, and when they got home, there would be hell to pay.

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"Titans, go!" Shuichi said in his best Robin voice.

"Hahaha, you'll never catch me in that thing, kid." He was imitating Red-X.

"Oh, yea?" Shuichi had Robin jump out of his position on the T-Robo, "Titans go home, this ones for me!"

"Oh, but Robin-" Shuichi said in Starfires voice, "Shut it, Star let's just go." Shuichi-Cyborg said moving the T-Robo away.

"Come on Kid, show me what you got!" Shuichi proclaimed and started a huge fight sequence. "You'll have to do better that if you wanna beat me, X." Shuichi made grunting noises and finally decided to move on wit his storyline. "Owwwwwwwwhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!" Shuichi-Robin screamed in pain.

"Kid, are you okay?!" Shuichi moved X next to the now laying down Robin, "I-I don't know, it's so dark! I'm cold X, I'm so cold!" Shuichi wailed. "No, kid, don't die on me now!" X leaned over Robin, "I'll save you!"

"I-I don't think so X, it's all over now. I just want you to know, that I-I lo..." Shuichi let his voice fade and then let out a sob from Red-X, "NO!!! I won't let you die!!! I love you! You hear me?! I love you!" With that, Shuichi had the two plastic toys kissing, Robin woke soon after. "X? Is that you?"

"Yes, my love! Don't you ever do something like that again!" Shuichi-X cried .

"Hey! What are you doing?!" A voice from behind Shuichi yelled, he turned instantly, knocking over and breaking the T-Robo. It was a security guard, "Hey, you just broke that!" Shuichi's eyes went wide, he stood up and started to run.

"Hey! Come back here! Jin, we got a runner come on!" The man yelled and chased after Shuichi.

"No! No! Leave me alone!!!!" Shuichi cried running through different aisles.

"Just come back here little boy, we won't hurt you!"

"I'm not a little boy!" Shuichi yelled turning a corner and slamming straight into a bike display. "Oww..."

"Hey, kid are you okay?" The man called Jin asked.

"Wahhhh! Just leave me alone!" Shuichi hopped on a little white and pink bike with streamers coming out of the handle bars, a little basket on the front, and a bell.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?!" The other guard screamed as Shuichi pedaled away madly.

"You won't take me alive!!!" Shuichi turned a corner down and aisle full of soda, he reached over and pulled down a case of Ramune. Unfortunately he obviously forgot that Ramune was in a glass bottle so they all shattered and cause the guard in front to slip. "Oh my! I'm so sorry!!" Shuichi called over his shoulder. The guard named Jin jumped over the other and continued after Shuichi.

"You won't get away, kid!" He called.

"I told you I'm no kid!" Shuichi entered another aisle, "Oh my God! The pocky!!!" Shuichi exclaimed grabbing a few boxes and shoving it in the basket.

"Hey! You better be paying for that!" Jin yelled catching up a little.

"Why the hell won't you back off?! I just wanna get my pocky and go home!" Shuichi slid into a turn, his streamers billowing wildly.

"Should a kid you age be talking like that?! Why are you even out anyway?!"

"I'M NO KID GODDAMIT!!!!" Shuichi raced down an aisle and saw exactly what he was looking for.

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Yuki stood infront of the magazine rack, staring at the Play Girl before him. His pants had become uncomfortably tight from such erotic images of his lover. He was turning a page, when he suddenly felt an impending sense of doom. The hairs on the back of his neck stood up, and he slowly turned to look at his left.

"Oh, shit..." Yuki threw down the magazine and began running in the opposite direction ans Shuichi headed straight for him on the little pink bike, two guards in his pursuit. "What the hell did you do now, baka?!" He screamed as the bike gained on him.

"I didn't do anything! They just started chasing me!!!" Shuichi yelled.

"Hey, is that your accomplice?! Cut them off at the intersection Gai!" Jin called to his partner who fell away at the next path.

"I'm going kill you, you little brat!" Yuki was running as fast as he could, so he wouldn't get run over by the bike.

"Yuki! Watch out or that guy is going to jump you!"

"What?!" Yuki was already at the intersection and a khaki clad man jumped out from a aisle.

"I've got you no-" He was cut off as Yuki was picked up into the bikes basket and was heading for the doors.

"You idiot! Put me down!" Yuki yelled as the wobbled dangerously.

"We can't go back now!" Shuichi said determinedly.

"Well we aren't leaving without paying!"

"Are you serious?! Those lanes are small!"

"Too bad, if you fall, you fall."

Up at a cash register a young girl with Pink and Blue hair sat listening to Dir En Grey's, Clever Sleazoid. She was completely oblivious to the world, until she saw a flash of Pink, White, and Gold whizz by her, throwing a few thousand Yen on the conveyer belt.

The world didn't seem so dark, after all now.

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"Shuichi! The door, the door!" Yuki yelled as Shuichi head for the bathrooms.

"I know!" He made a sharp turn and raced for the doors, he was almost there, but alas there was one thing in his way. Jin and Gai jumped straight infront of the doors, blocking most of it.

"Stop, kid you don't want to do this!" Jin called.

"YOU BETTER MOVE! THIS IS A KAMIKAZE MISSION!!!!" Shuichi screeched.

"What the hell?! You better not kill us!" Yuki yelled as the got within ten feet of the door.

"Don't so this kid!"

"I AM NOT A FUCKING KID!!!!!!!! RAWWWWWWGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!"

**BAM!**

Shuichi hit Jin full on causing him to flip over Yuki's ducked figure and land somewhere on the floor behind them.

"That hurt you brat!" Yuki said as Shuichi stopped the bike infront of the car.

"Yuki!!! I'm scared what of they come after us?!" He got all teary eyed.

"Just get in the car!" Yuki hopped in and started it, Shuichi shoved the bike in the back seat. "What the hell are you doing with that bike?!"

"Well we payed for it." Shuichi said, buckling his seat belt.

"Whatever." Yuki grumbled speeding away from the brightly lit store. They road in silence for awhile before Yuki spoke up, "Shuichi...Are you wearing make-up?"

Shuichi blushed and turned towards his lover, "Yea, it's my new stage look, you like?"

"You have..._Jewels_ on you _eye lashes_."

"I know! Isn't it great?!"

"...I forgot my fucking cigarettes!!!"

1-These is real.

**A/N:** Well, not only am I on a Gravi kick but I'm also on some kind of humor kick. Honestly, I should know better! Well anyway, I have no excuse for writing this crack filled story except my friend and I were on a mission to find a new Ipod that wasn't silver, and everywhere we went they only had silver. So we walked into a random Super Wal-Mart I saw the bike rack looming over everything and there we go crack filled story! Yay me! We never did find that Ipod...Oh well, REVIEW!!!


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